Moving on...

It occurred to me recently, when I found myself reflecting with regret once again about my absence on 'Just Jubby', that perhaps its purpose had passed.

I published my first post in 2011 with great trepidation and fear and only felt secure enough due to my anonymity.

In slowly gaining traction in living more authentically and with a developing folio of work, I had been thinking that I might establish a website to showcase my art instead. A distant thought but I was reassured in believing in the possibility and moreover seeing it as fundamental to taking myself seriously as an Artist. There! I said it!

I don't believe in fate and there's too many people struggling and enduring unnecessary pain and hardship to believe that everything happens for a reason. However, what I find helps me to move forward with my work, is having trust. Not a blind trust that everything will be ok but just trusting enough in my potential and capability that I can be open to possibility and opportunity. This gives me hope.

And this hope helps me in situations when I do things like unintentionally delete the storage of my blog images. Aarrgghh! Initially I was disappointed and annoyed but then I realised that it didn't really matter and that in fact it was the permission I needed to move on!

So I'll leave you with this video that features Ann Hamilton, an artist that my tutor suggested I research due to some similarities in our work... well, other than the fame thing :)  I really appreciate her take on the obstacles to being a risk-taker and working with trust.

Thank you for being there!

So-and-So

For all its ups and downs, I have come to conclude that blogging is a practice that helps ground me. In my last post back in January, I was enthusiastic, inspired and clear about my direction. I was ready to rock and roll!

That was nine long months ago and I think the obvious absence of 'Just Jubby' reflects my detachment from the passion and spirit of that person.

So, what happened?

In March this year I decided to withdraw completely from my course. I was frustrated with my studies and keen to forge ahead with my own creative journey - to be a genuine and self-motivated artist!

My hopes and ambitions were high but sadly little has been done since then toward advancing that dream. I have hardly read, written or created. I have been bedridden on three occasions with respiratory illnesses and considering that I am the person known in my household as the one with the cast-iron constitution, it has rocked my confidence and left me feeling fragile.

So, why?

In reflecting and sharing since I was last unwell (two weeks ago), it has become apparent that fears and worries have once again gotten the better of me. I was taking on responsibility for things that were beyond my brief which has taken a toll on my mental and emotional resources. I have lost my way.

So, what now?

It is back to the drawing board, literally and metaphorically :) Experience tells me that it is time to regain some power, trust my instinct, and get back to following my heart.

So, how?

You may have heard of Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements, well here are Jubby's Four Practices:

Presence

Patience

Productivity

Persistence

Onwards and upwards people!!!

Inspiration

India Flint

I came across this wonderful video yesterday whilst catching up on all things Just Jody!

It is a charming feature that poetically describes India's work and her thought processes as she goes about her days whilst on a three week residency at Fife in Scotland.

I love that she is so at one with her work - her ink stained hands and tattoos, and her wonderfully hand-crafted clothes. I was mesmerized watching this and only wanted to view it again and again and again...


Being (t)here from Tracey McConnell-Wood on Vimeo.

India's work (http://prophet-of-bloom.blogspot.com.au/) has a sense of familiarity for me as I have been working in a similar fashion recently - not nearly as poetically though :) I am finding that the "site" has particular significance for me, specifically as it relates to my past.

The following are works that I created by bleeding rusty objects onto cloth. I collected these objects last year, on a trip I made to the Mallee where my mother spent her early years.

By working through and completing my Diploma in Visual Arts last year, I have learnt so much about why I create the work I do and how important it is to me living authentically and with passion. In fact, I cannot imagine my life now without it.

Still lacking so much confidence, I find that this study, with its supportive teaching staff, as well as my extraordinary family and friends, is what gives me the courage to face the inordinate challenge that is putting myself "out there"!

India, as well as those close to me who are pushing their own boundaries, are also a constant source of inspiration!

Keep on keepin' on people... and Happy New Year!

Soo Sunny Park

The beautiful work of Soo Sunny Park, bringing a little sunshine and magic into your day...

Soo Sunny Park: Unwoven Light from Walley Films on Vimeo.

Olson & Horwitz

Life here has continued its frenetic pace and as often happens for busy people who commence their blogging adventure with unrealistic ideas and high expectations, I have ultimately ended up neglecting mine. It was never meant to be a pressure but I have missed the rare chance that it affords me to stop and ponder!

Last weekend was a particularly stressful one. I felt exhausted and stretched, and unfortunately not in any way creatively. Then I came across this charming video about Nick Olson and Lilah Horwitz, who quit their jobs to build a house in the mountains (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWvemw0nj7k)

I felt renewed again and with the benefit of some glorious Spring-type weather this week, I have regained some composure.

Just need to remember to break it down, keep it simple and keep breathing...

Turbulence

In the time since my last post back in February (OMG!), I have been happily preoccupied with my ongoing studies in Visual Arts. I have continued to be challenged by the emotional demands that ‘creating’ requires of me but feel more strongly now than ever, that it is exactly this emotional process that makes it so essential and worthwhile for me.

The following is an excerpt from 'Public Life Private Grief', a memoir by Mary Delahunty who is a former Australian journalist and politician. I was particularly drawn to the section because it so beautifully describes the underlying depth and wisdom of many creative spirits - their insightful contributions to society all too often under-valued.

"There were men and women who led the political life whom I admired for their courage and service, even, in some instances, as I questioned their policies. By far however, the deepest insights came to me from the pen or brush of writers and artists, those mostly modest creatures who pare the human condition like a knife peeling the skin from an apple, removing the exterior to reveal the bittersweet flesh within. Through their work and in interviews I conducted for the ABC TV’s national arts program in the mid ‘90s, they revealed to me layers of understanding rarely afforded in politics... I learned to look at life differently, to begin to understand it as a journey of exploration with a punctuated narrative rather than a straight line..."

What's the point?

Classes recommenced for my visual arts course this week - something that I have been craving and anticipating with excitement for some time now.

I am privileged to be in a situation where I can devote time to study and so I have struggled to comprehend why I would come away from this week feeling so flat and lacking in confidence.

Often I forget that persistence is the key to feeling satisfied with the artwork that I produce. Only by fully committing myself to the work through practice, will it improve and my capabilities expand. I have an abundance to learn and gain here.

As a beginner and amongst a cohort of extraordinarily talented young students in class, I have a tendency to single myself out as the only one who must be doubting themselves.  Yet, if I know anything about the art world it is that many artists suffer the same affliction.

So today, I am picking myself up and dusting myself off and am once again finding solace in the work of John Keats. While out on a walk this morning, I was listening to the soundtrack from the film 'Bright Star'.  In the film, the John Keats character is describing the mystery of poetry to his love, Fanny Brawne, and of the need to understand it through the senses.

The point of diving into a lake

is not immediately to swim to the shore

but to be in the lake

to luxuriate in the sensation of water.

You do not work the lake out,

it is an experience beyond thought.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lysterfield_Lake.JPG

It reminds me that the point of my study is to 'luxuriate in the sensation' of learning... just relax and enjoy the process.