Imbalance

Reflecting back through my blog, I am fascinated by my post titled 'Balance' from 3rd January.  It is as if I knew subconsciously where my year was heading and if I have only one regret right now, it is that I did not heed my own warning.

I came across this image recently in a fantastic book called 'Crazy Art' by Chantal Alles.  The photo was created by the Swedish photographer Erik Johansson and it is an excellent depiction of how I feel emotionally right now.

The French artist Yves Klein is someone I studied earlier this year and his 'Leap into the Void' also resonates.

As it states so inspiringly in flavorwire.com,

From signing the sky and creating his own blue pigment that represented it to painting with fire and flesh, Klein paved the way for the conceptual, minimal, and performance art movements that followed.  He made monochromatic paintings and sculptures, constructed a gallery exhibition out of nothing, threw the value of a work of art into a river, used nude bodies like brushes to apply paint to paper, let the wind and rain shape his canvases, and took a monumental leap into the void.

I am not intending to be cryptic or fatalistic here today.  At some time or another, we are all faced with a crossroad and what I have been challenged to understand this year is that there is no "right" path.  There are no "answers" waiting to be uncovered.  For me it is only in being fully present to my true emotions and authentic self that I can own my decisions and feel in control.  As someone who seeks affirmation way too frequently, I am realising that there is much work to be done.

So today I have been drawn back to a postcard image by Clare Nicholson that I used in my first attempt at visual journaling, back in 2006.

I recall vividly at the time being so proud of my first page and showing it to my Mum, just three weeks before she died.  Along with Clare's beautiful image were cut-out butterflies and painted flowers.  The page was titled 'Learning to Fly' and it felt like a turning point.

It is a poignant reminder to me today that I have the power to fly.  There is no need to leap.